Monday, August 15, 2011

Flawless

  
Do you know what I've been thinking about a lot lately?
My flaws. About all the way's am a fuck up. (Yeah, swearing a lot is one of them for some people. It's not for me.)
Now before the self-help author in you jumps out, listen to what I have to say. My whole life I have been either running away from my failings, been ashamed of them or fighting them in a war that's been mostly lots of lost battles on both sides. Lately, as I started to feel a bit more secure with myself and what/who I am, they stopped looking so scary. All of a sudden the fact I am very imperfect (imagine!) and those particular imperfections started to feel…well, like it is not the end of the world.
I have realized, and survived might I add, that I easily become smug and complacent, that I tend to stay in any state as long as it's comfortable, that I DO have a narcissistic side, that until recently I have played victim for most of my life (and still occasionally indulge in it), I am greedy, I lack both patience and compassion in all things I myself haven't encountered (or have, but long time ago). Also I look at most things as all or nothing (mostly nothing) and have a defeatist attitude on everything that is not a sure win (and most things aren't). I wait for things to come to me (as they should, my inner narcissus tells me so) and will make a first step only when there is NO other option (and this is rarely, as you can always run away)… God when I list it like this, I am surprised I ever achieved anything.
Never the less, this is so and it's not even the full list, and you know what I am mostly okay with it. Not in a fuck it-no-point-in-changing-now way, but in a am-working-on-it-but-it-might-take-some-time way.

9 comments:

  1. I think what you're saying here is that you're normal and like majority of us :)
    I've also been working on changing this exact thing and let me tell you - it's really, really hard, but I've found myself wanting to change and tweak certain attitudes I have that have been ingrained in me since forever and yes, it's very slow and very hard progress but I'm hanging in there and trying the best I can, it's all any of us can do really.

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  2. Forgot to add - maybe you think you're not flawless but the girl in this illustration definitely is, she's gorgeous :)

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  3. I think about my flaws, too. It's hard to realize that not everybody likes you, that you are flawed, that there is always a way you can be better. What you listed here is not as rare as you think, I think most people have some of this problems. I can agree with you about greediness, lacking patience and compassion, narcissistic side. It's hard to take it all in once you realize it, but in order to get better, you must first feel worse.
    Hope this helped a little? :)

    XO,
    Lucija

    withlovelucija.blogspot.com

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  4. Like Marilyn Monroe said:
    “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ;)

    And btw, I love your illustrations :)

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  5. this is a sweet post hun. Sometimes I feel the same, I start thinking about all my stupid flaws and what I might have got in my life without them... but then I know that it's just a fantasy, and that I am my flaws...and I like it! :)

    and I'm glad you like my pics!! I'm on holiday now so I have some free time to do what I love (and for once it's for me and not for a client!!) :)

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  6. Oh, brace imperfections! I, too, was always so insecure and was afraid of making mistakes and looking stupid.

    I owe it all to a friend of mine. I've learnt to completely be myself at all times.

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  7. Congrats to coming to terms with yourself and accepting who you are - some people never archieve this!

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  8. I also started to embrace my flaws more during the past years. I think that's what makes getting older bearable, even pleasant. I don't feel like I need to hide or fight against things, and like you said, that doesn't mean giving up, just accepting and going for the long and more peaceful route.

    sometimes I even catch myself liking certaing things I would have killed to change just a few years ago. what's the point of fitting in everywhere? you end up being like everyone else, a clone. I don't need to be liked by everyone anymore (of course it still sucks when it becomes very obvious that someone doesn't like you, but you just walk away). my flaws are what make me different and special, more so than my abilities or the things I acquired over to years to be like everyone else...

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  9. I like this post. It is very raw. It is perfection because without realizing it you are reclaiming your so called flaws and making them part of what makes you you. It is such a twisted way of saying you are proud of them and recognizing how they help you get anything done. I hope this makes sense.

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