Thursday, October 4, 2012

Irony of avoiding the hard stuff

There's been some minor developments in my life (nothing very exciting, don't get your hopes up) about which am gonna report on in another post, but one of the consequences is that am packing up. So I have to go through my drawings. I sift through them every time this happens to throw away the ones that don't need to keep on living so there is less stuff to move. And I always come by some interesting stuff. It has a feeling of reading someone else's diary... not sure why.


But this time, what came up was a realization of how long I have been doing this. Illustration I mean. And how much work has gone into it and how much of it has gone to waste because I haven't been consistent and, basically, didn't have balls to believe in myself. And, YEAH, it takes ball to believe in yourself. It's much easier to walk around being all insecure and unsure about stuff. I am finding work from three, four, five years ago. I came a long way, no doubt, but I feel I made things way harder than necessary for myself.
The irony of it is that I slowed down or, flat on, gave up so many times because it was all so difficult and I just wanted to avoid or somehow circumvent the hard part and I ended up just taking the longer route... and am still on part of the road I could have passed years ago.

But what's past is past. No point in dwelling on it.

Am gonna try this the other way for a while, just to see where that takes me. Meaning, am gonna deal with the hard stuff and endure them instead of caving in like a little bitch.

Will definitely post on the developments, I just need to find couple of hours somewhere to make a specific drawing for that post, and at the moment spare hours are hard to come by.



3 comments:

  1. How old are these illustrations? I really, really like them!
    We can be such bitches to ourselves, can't we? What a waste of time and effort, but I'm glad you're going to kick your own ass and do something about it, go Maya! :)

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  2. what's going on? can't wait to hear the news. I'm going through something similar right now. I'm still somehow in the avoiding phase but already aware that this is making everything much harder and let's not even talk about the waste of time. not believing in myself to me equals disrespecting yourself. I have to tackle this somehow and soon, but I'm not sure as to the how...

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  3. Maya, please don't slow down anymore and much less give up on yourself. Your work is amazing!!!

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